Being told you are intimidating is not meant as a compliment, but rather a flaw or problem. More accurately in my lens, it is a perceived flaw, which I’ve been told in a variety of ways I need to fix in order to make others more comfortable. It’s kind of like being told, “you kick ass,” while being told, “don’t kick ass” at the exact same time. Or perhaps, “you kick a little too much ass.” The tone is a base level: “kick ass under the radar.” Do it quietly and politely - no one has to be the wiser. Kick ass with a side of sugar.
Why would I want do that?
I honestly do not know. I mean, I can cognitively understand the politically correct answer and I know the benefits to doing this. But isn’t that just being fake and completely inauthentic? Did I mention how much I loathe fake communication and politically correct bullshit?
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
It’s probably intimidating.
Alas, here I am:
I am uncomfortable pretending to think or feel otherwise from my present thought or emotion. I’m sensitive, bold at times, opinionated, unsure as much as the next person, sensual and full of equal parts fire & water. I enjoy my own company, feel alone often, care, think rationally but intuitively make most decisions, cry, stand up for myself, want to be paid for the work I do, am constantly searching, want real only, question the reasoning behind decisions often, do not have all the answers, love big, make mistakes often, and cannot pretend to be something that I am not. Apparently all of this = intimidating.
And the intimidating girl said: "I think that conclusion sucks."
Anybody else got a back-handed compliment served up to them lately? Thoughts . . . ? Discuss...
ReplyDeleteThis blog is very interesting to me because I don't find you intimidating at all. You inspire me. You exude confidence and you always seem to be in a great mood(you're probably not always having a good day, but you make sure no one knows it) I've come to MY OWN conclusion. Those who consider certain people as intimidating have insecurities that they are not even aware they have. To find another HUMAN BEING intimidating to ME is pathetic. If someone finds you intimidating it's not your problem it's theirs, so no need to act differently around them, they simply need to learn a thing or two from you. :)
ReplyDeleteCOMMENT FROM MAUREEN GRANADOS: (technical difficulty posting): "This is really good! For the record, I love meeting and working with people I find slightly intimidating because it keeps me motivated. Like when I met you at that first FYP meeting I was like, "I have no idea what this girl is talking about, but I will help her make this room look amazing because she obviously kicks some ass and that's what I want to do too." It's not a backhanded compliment when I say it...you'd find me dead before you'd find me giving a backhanded compliment. :)"
ReplyDeleteCOMMENT FROM JERI KLEIN (technical difficulty posting):
ReplyDelete"I've gotten that alot as well... and my response is usually, um seriously? all 5'2 of me?... oh yeah, and I also get "you have a very dominant personality"...which i also laugh at, cause whats the reverse, a submissive personality? I take them as compliments, regardless of their intentions- clearly these people have their own issues of inferiority that has nothing to do with you... and to them, i say...
"no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - eleanor roosevelt "
COMMENT FROM KATARINA KNOLL:
ReplyDelete"...Landed on your blog through Garance Dore's shout out about having any questions for you. Then I came upon your blog, and read this post. You know... I'm starting.. or should I say KNOWINGLY starting a business now that is basically going to allow me to make money doing something I love and believe in. I'm young and I feel ready. I know I'm ready. This post is very much in alignment with where I'm at right now. I'm a confident person, but have usually gone about sharing my talents in a quiet way. I was afraid that I may be intruding on others. But now I realize that there are people out there who are genuinely love what I do, and yeah... there will be some negative talkers. And that's okay. I guess that's what happens when you are "unconventional" (even though that is probably more so in the eyes of others). So I can sense that I'm about to go on a philosophical tangent, so I'll just stop right here lol because I'd like to thank you. Thank you for this insight It gave me some more spark. Also, just wanted to echo Sui's thoughts on the matter. People sometimes reflect their inner-struggles out to the world in ways that they don't even realize, and I think feeling intimidated by someone could be an example of insecurity. Personally, I like to celebrate other people who are strong and determined, especially by standing up for what you believe in. Maybe those who come off as intimidating just have a stronger sense of self, than those who graze with sheep.
Much love,
Katharina"
My name is Diane, and I am intimidating too. This was the feedback I was given by my boss at the end of my contract and five years of teaching last year. I took the compliminsult to heart. Did I have a hard edge? Was I a false secure? No. When it came down to it, I think it's that I don't settle for mediocre and "good" isn't good enough. I have been on the other side of the coin as well, and I can say 100%, when I felt intimidated, it was because I felt insecure. Just sayin. B Lyons, I am happy to have stumbled upon your blog. Will visit often!
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